Postpartum & Infertility… What The???

Oh this one has been on my mind for quite some time. I’m officially 20 weeks postpartum, which is so crazy to say. That being said the questions of when’s the next one coming have already started. Isn’t that crazy? Women push out a baby and all the sudden it’s always when’s the next one.

I’ll be honest with you, this question drives me insane. It’s next in line after “when are you having a baby?”. I wish I had a dollar for everytime I’ve been told “you’re so fertile right now, you should try natural”….. is that what we’re telling women who have dealt with infertility postpartum? Or postpartum in general? Are we allowed to take some time to heal? Like what the *beep*.

But with those postpartum questions, my brain starts working and questioning it as well. My period is back and so of course the first month I’m like maybe we should try naturally??? But I’m also still recovering mentally?? It’s a whole circle of should or should I not? But alas my first month of seeing if it would work and my period showed up again the next month. Then the second month I was like okay let me track it a little better with signs from my body. Bam my period came with a vengeance and no pregnancy. It had me thinking maybe I should get ovulation strips? But I’ll be real honest with you, these strips drove me insane our first year of TTC. Like I have a real PTSD from them. It brings me back to those TTC days when I would stress over ovulation and getting pregnant. Its dark place that I don’t want to go back to.

So here I am rolling my eyes at the ladies who said “you’re so fertile postpartum” because again why the heck can’t my body just get the message? So what do we do here? How do I deal with the mental battle of infertility and wanting another tiny human without all the injections and hormones? It brings me back to last summer during IVF, where I truly just pressed into God, his word, and his promises. Before I spiral like I’ve done in the past, I’ll just continue praying, reading his word, and keeping my eyes on him. I’ll be here enjoying my baby boy that the lord has blessed me with and doing my best not to stress about timeline and age.

I’m going to end this blog post a little different this time. I’m going to write out a prayer that I will continue to pray for the next few weeks and months as my heart longs for another baby and conceiving naturally. If you’re also struggling with infertility whether it’s your first baby or second or fourth, you can also pray this prayer.

Lord,

Thank you for the beautiful baby boy you gave me. Thank you for allowing me to be his mama. Thank you for IVF and for letting my body do what it needed to do during labor. You know my heart and you know how much I would love to conceive naturally. You know that ache I feel everytime my period had come the last four years. I pray that if it is your will, that we could conceive naturally just once. I pray for peace in those moments I get into my own head about TTC. I pray that the Holy Spirit will protect my thoughts and mind when the enemy starts with negative thoughts. I also pray for our embryos that are waiting for us. I pray that you keep them safe always and I pray that when the timing comes, we can transfer them. Thank you Jesus for creating women and the amazing we have to have babies, nurse them, and protect them. I pray this in your name

Amen.