Breastfeeding and Prayer

I feel that when most mom prepare for motherhood, we all think “oh yes I’m definitely breastfeeding”. That was me. I purchased the infamous Ina May breastfeeding book to prepare myself, did all the pumps research, and even collected colostrum prior to giving birth. I thought to myself “this is going to be easy peasy”. I’m going to be honest with you right from the start, breastfeeding is tough. I was not prepared for how difficult physically and mentally it was going to be for me.

What started as something that I was like okay this isn’t bad, turned into something I was starting to hate. Baby boy gained weight perfectly his first and second appt but at his two weeks, he lost some weight. So I spiraled of course and due to a bad latch, my left side was destroyed. I tried to push through the pain but couldn’t do it. I made an appointment with a lactation consultant to help fix everything. We ultimately decided that pumping would be best for now until my nipple healed. So 3 weeks postpartum I was exclusively pumping.

Let me tell you mommas, this is so HARD. I was pumping around the clock every 3 hours and became a bit of an oversupplier. I was pumping anywhere from like 30-45oz a day while occasionally latching him on. I was happy at first because I built up a small batch in the freezer but after every pumping eeek, I was one day closer to putting him on formula. I lasted till he was two months old before I gave up on the pump and latched him back on.

I suffered that first week. Because of my over supply, I was SO engorged for a week. Like painfully engorged. I pumped twice to give myself some relief that week and within 3 minutes had already collected 8 oz! But luckily after a few days my supply stabilized. I don’t know how we did it but baby boy perfected his latch (with the help of the nipple shield for a few days).

I’ll be honest, when I started praying for my breastfeeding journey, it Felt a little silly praying over something like this. Like did God really want me praying over something like this? But it’s something that I have to constantly remind myself that God wants me to come to him for this smallest little things in my life. I prayed for healing and just the endurance to keep pushing through. It somehow turned into a “Lord you know how badly I want this to work, if it is your will, please help me”. I had conversations with God about feeling like I needed to do this because since I wasn’t able to conceive naturally, I wanted to stay as natural as possible. My conversation with God get crazy sometimes haha. But after so much praying about this journey, it’s like all the sudden it got better? I wouldn’t say it was easier because it does take a toll on the human body but I shifted my mindset. I didn’t have to breastfeed my baby, I get to breastfeed my baby. I get to nourish him with my body that God created.

My first goal was to breast-feed for three months. My second goal was to make it to six months and my third goal will be to make it to a year. I honestly cannot believe that we are almost to my second goal and it’s gotten a lot easier that I feel like making it to a year will feel doable. As much as I am enjoying my breast-feeding journey now I feel like with our second child things will feel a lot easier and better because now I know what to expect. But that won’t be for a bit more 😂

So here we are at five months postpartum exclusively breast-feeding, my baby boy. I can’t tell you how many times I have almost thrown into towel from nursing all night long through this four month sleep regression to just overthinking whether he was getting enough. I couldn’t be more prouder of how we got through the last few months of the mental load of Breast-feeding. I think it also helps have a good support system when it comes to feeding your baby. My husband was so supportive on any feeding that I wanted to do whether breast-feeding or formula. He stayed up with me at night time and woke up when I had to pump through the night just to keep me company and he just reminded me every single time I doubted it myself that we were doing a good job. I’ve also had some incredible family and friends who have both formula fed and breast-fed and they just supported me through every decision I had made.

This journey, the last few months has taught me to bring all my thoughts and anxieties To the Lord, no matter how big or small they may seem. He has helped me and shaped my thinking these last few months through my breast-feeding journey. I hope that this small Blog post can help any mom who is also struggling and feeling anxious or on the verge of quitting. It doesn’t matter which way you choose to feed your baby, A fed baby is a happy baby and it’s important to remain mentally healthy for you and your baby.

thanks for reading

xoxo Marianna