Postpartum Sucks
It’s wild to see that 3 years ago I was sharing our infertility story and here I am about to share about everything postpartum. WE HAD A BABY!!! Isn’t that wild? Our perfect angel baby was born on May 6th and we have been so in love. After years of infertility, our first round of IVF was successful (thank you Jesus). While being a mother has been a blessing, postpartum has been awful. So let’s talk about what women don’t seem to talk about.
I am going to be completely honest, I have postpartum ptsd. It sucked. Why doesn’t anyone talk about how awful it is? I mean does anyone enjoy it because my postpartum journey has been HARD. I remember the first night in the hospital being like ok I got this and then bam, second night was the worst ( also why did no one mention the second night being traumatizing lol). From the second night till about yesterday I was on the struggle bus. Ok maybe not yesterday but what the heck. The swelling, discomfort, engorged boobs, sore nipples, the hormones, the crying, and everything in between.
Hormones, I truly hate you. I have never felt such a rollercoaster of emotions till postpartum. I cried because I was happy, scared, anxious, nervous, excited and so many other emotions I cant even remember. My husband was like “Um are you ok?”. No hunny I was not okay and yet everyday we moved on and got through it. I can say now that I have postpartum anxiety that I probably should have gotten on meds for but kept pushing it off hoping things would get better yet here I am 15 weeks later still debating whether or not to call my doc. Which is another reminder to us postpartum moms, CALL YOUR DOC. It’s okay to be on meds for our mental health. Being a mom is tough and hormones suck.
Birth was beautiful and terrifying at the same time but that’ll be for another blog post another time. So at 15 weeks I finally feel like I can sit here and write this all out and sort through every thought and emotion that hit me in the beginning. I cried in the shower every single night for like a month straight after coming home from the hospital. First from joy that I had my baby and we were healthy. Second from the fear of being a new mom and not knowing the heck I was doing. Third from questioning if I had ruined my life by having a kid. Yes this is a common thought for most moms and its a thought that had me feeling so guilty I never mentioned it anyone until I finally felt ok. Once I said it out loud, a friend had said to me “oh yes we all think that at the beginning”. So if you are a new mom feeling this way, it’s okay. I can finally say I promise it’s going to get better.
Motherhood and women bodies are wild because I finally came out of that postpartum death bubble and all the sudden im like “I can definitely have another one”. WTF. Like it’s so real that women forget all about the beginning and that’s why we keep having more kids lol. So I decided to document that crazy thoughts so when the time comes, I can read on my feelings and remind myself that postpartum truly was awful for me. I’m kidding but not really (HAHA).
Well thats it for my first blog post back in 3 years. I almost didn’t renew my page but I am glad I did because this was my favorite way to express my thoughts and feelings. I can’t wait to keep writing and journaling about postpartum, motherhood, and just life. Thanks for listening to these jumbled thoughts.
Love y’all.